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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {